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If you pull it off, the rewards will have been worth the effort. Do you have any advice? Thanks in advanced! Hi Meghan!

The above article and cheat sheet can help you get into the mindset and help you focus on your new identity. If you want to progress more you can find a partner to start enjoying the lifestyle more fully.

I have tips plus step-by-step guides in my structured training program, Dom Sub Training. It can help you find a genuine partner and make BDSM a way of life.

I have one comment to the other female subs who are worried about losing their strong, independent personality, and that is to know that the sub is the one with the control in these relationships.

So although you are doing anything your Dom asks of you within your limits and your goal is to make him happy, you get to determine what your limits are and then let him surprise you from there and satisfy your needs too!

Thank you for your kind advice for other subs. I realize this is a personal decision but the few friends she has trusted enough to tell them who and what she is …seem to snub her.

The worse part is she is an ex-mormon and with children.. Thanks for the listen. Thank you so much for your insight as a Dom. Hopefully there will be more acceptance of the lifestyle someday.

A sub should always feel comfortable being able to talk to the dom. Exactly, Kevin! As long as it is done respectfully, a sub should always feel comfortable talking to their Dom.

I am so happy to find you and your blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want to be a good sub.

And I am new to this. Be sure to check out this article to help you! So happy to find you and this blog.

Great info! I am a new sub and an older sub…just discovering the real me! My Dom is new as well. I want to please him all the time, but he has a stressful job and sometimes like to lash out at me and says hurtful things.

Hi Stacy. Topping from the Bottom is an issue you can read about here. A good Dom would understand that.

Topping from the bottom is different than speaking up because someone is hurting you. A good dom is there to better you and please you, not abuse you.

A good dom is also humble, generous and kind, wants to know how you feel so he can make you happy, and allows you express yourself without getting emotional.

Hope you can express yourself and he strives to become a better dom, good luck! One of my biggest problems is that I do not like the word no and have trouble obeying when told no.

I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as I have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help me give up control.

Hi Cristina! I completely understand that it can be hard to give up control. You can read the tips for topping from the bottom to help you.

Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it.

Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave? Would something like that be considered for a little?

I know it all depends on the contract and understanding. Hi Danie! Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! Unlike most of the previous replies, i am male with a female dom.

She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding. The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible.

Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric. I am constantly thinking ways to try and please her and show my loyalty.

I respect her and dont want to appear a pest by texting and calling all the time. Thanks for your comment, Bill! A lot of subs feel that way, Erin.

The best way to get over being self-conscious is to remember that your 1 job is to focus on your Dom, and not yourself.

You can even have a mantra to repeat when you feel your self-esteem dropping. Hello, I recently started being a sub. And I have to tell you that….

I thought that I was the only one who loved this way of life. Thanks for this article it is really helpful!! I have to continually try and anticipate what would please him, which is exhausting and I end up being a brat which only gets me spankings.

Can you give any suggestions that would help me, help him to carry over his dominance into our vanilla aspects of the relationship?

He is very willing to learn and grow but I do not want to force him, I love when he is and explores his dominance over me and wish so much that he would break out of the mindset that he is being a jerk for demands or punishment tasks.

Guys especially sometimes need things spelled out for them and lots of examples. You can also share this article about rituals with him.

Being a Dom and assigning and enforcing tasks is a lot of work. He may say he wants to learn and try but a Dom has to be self-motivated and take the lead.

He may just like the kinky sex, and being a lifestyle Dom may not be for him. Thanks so much. I read another few articles and the one you mentioned.

I took it upon myself to start a journal that He can read at will. I actually wrote my first entry and have to say it is so much easier to write about these things than to have discussions.

Maybe there is a happy medium somewhere and this journal is the start of something wonderful. Thanks for the advice Kinky Abby, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for all your amazing articles! Hi Lunaa! Remember to stay in the moment. Worrying about the future will not help you to serve your Dom.

And be kind to yourself! I adore to be sodomised by men while people watch. I am not attracted to men in the slightest.. I like your blog..

Does the thought of being caned make you want to cower in the corner? Do handcuffs and spreader bars raise your hackles? As you delve into the world of dominance and submission, you're bound to come across more than a few things that test your comfort zone.

You know what we're talking about - the things that make you go "Yikes! Keep in mind that just just because others enjoy something doesn't mean that you have to.

Know your limits and stand firm! Now's not the time to be shy; if you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your innermost sexual desires and turn-offs it can really affect your safety - not to mention whether you enjoy your encounters.

As a submissive, you must be willing and able to openly communicate with your partner or partners to ensure that all sex play is truly consensual.

Before a scene or relationship begins, you and your partners should share your wants, desires, and sexual fantasies.

However, it is equally important to make your partners aware of any turn-offs and limits you may have. Make your limits known and set boundaries as soon as possible.

If you're looking into BDSM play for the first time, or even if you're a hardened veteran, safety should be a No.

To be clear, whether you're flogging someone or submitting them to some other delicious torture, there is an element of danger or potential harm in any BDSM activity.

Always take the time to learn how to properly and safely use any toys and props, and always establish a safeword before beginning any BDSM play.

This simple word or phrase can be spoken by a submissive at any time they want to slow down or stop a scene, no questions asked.

Of course, words like "stop" and "no" should also be avoided when choosing a safeword, since they can often be used to heighten the excitement during a scene.

Unless you have another arrangement, you and your dominant should keep in mind that your role-playing is just that - playing.

Don't let your dominant's words and actions get to you, and maintain your self-respect. However, remember that unless you communicate with your dominant, he or she will simply assume that you're satisfied with how your relationship is going.

Of course, if your partner doesn't respect you enough to stop overstepping your limits, respect yourself enough to end the relationship.

Don't expect to read a few articles on the Internet and then be able to call yourself a submissive. No matter how eager you are to learn and experiment, you won't become a submissive overnight.

Becoming a true submissive takes a great deal of time and patience. In fact, many submissives may even go through a formal "training" period, which can take months or even years.

And if you do decide to open this new chapter in your life, have fun with it. You may choose to close it in the future, or it may become a big part of who you are.

Either way, learn what you can from the experience and, most importantly, enjoy it! If you're just tipping your toe into the world of BDSM, you may be unsure where to even start when it comes to planning out a scene.

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